Sunday, 18 February 2018


It's Sunday afternoon and I'm house sitting for my boyfriend's parents, watching Netflix and reading Women's Health magazine. My boyfriend is in Dublin and I've been shopping this morning with my friend who has come from Sheffield, spending money that I don't have but it's okay because who needs food or petrol anyway? (Me and me).

People keep asking me if I'm still blogging and I never really know how to answer. I'm writing right now because for the first time in months, I've had an afternoon where I'm in my own company without Uni working to do or somewhere to go. I thought I'd stopped writing because I have nothing to say any more, and there is some truth in that. This blog is ultimately a diary of my battle with anorexia and years later, I don't have anything else to contribute to that.

I am half way through my final placement, I have one more direct observation to do and I have a dissertation to write, and that. is. all. I've worked so hard to do all of my work way ahead of deadlines because if I'm honest, I'm so over academia now. I've gone from being a world class perfectionist to someone who just wants to pass and be a qualified social worker. But being on a child protection placement means I can't really write about it. I don't want to write a detailed account of my day because reliving it can be exhausting but also, I can't break confidentiality anyway. Child protection is without a doubt one of the hardest areas of social work I could choose to be in, but part of me loves it. I love going into a really crap situation and knowing that I'm there for a child, to make their life a tiny bit better if I can. It's hard, yes. But it's rewarding.

But I think the real reason for me not writing any more is because I'm too busy enjoying life. My following is down on here and instagram but I no longer care, not that I really ever did. I am actually really happy and I'm enjoying living in the moment rather than worrying about photographing everything for social media. If anything, being on placement has made me appreciate life so much more than I could ever have imagined. I walk into situations where there is neglect, domestic violence and sexual abuse... and I remember that although it's not happening to me, it could be. It could be happening to anyone and I don't know what is around the corner. None of us do. But it does remind me to ring my Nan to check how she is, to text my Dad to make sure he's not alone and say 'I love you' to those dearest because it's important to let people know how much they mean to you.

I'm doing intense work but I'm so privileged to be a part of a child's life for a short period of time and I'm grateful that it makes me see how lucky I am. I am very happy right now and I'm simply just enjoying it.

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