Sunday, 18 February 2018

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It's Sunday afternoon and I'm house sitting for my boyfriend's parents, watching Netflix and reading Women's Health magazine. My boyfriend is in Dublin and I've been shopping this morning with my friend who has come from Sheffield, spending money that I don't have but it's okay because who needs food or petrol anyway? (Me and me).

People keep asking me if I'm still blogging and I never really know how to answer. I'm writing right now because for the first time in months, I've had an afternoon where I'm in my own company without Uni working to do or somewhere to go. I thought I'd stopped writing because I have nothing to say any more, and there is some truth in that. This blog is ultimately a diary of my battle with anorexia and years later, I don't have anything else to contribute to that.

I am half way through my final placement, I have one more direct observation to do and I have a dissertation to write, and that. is. all. I've worked so hard to do all of my work way ahead of deadlines because if I'm honest, I'm so over academia now. I've gone from being a world class perfectionist to someone who just wants to pass and be a qualified social worker. But being on a child protection placement means I can't really write about it. I don't want to write a detailed account of my day because reliving it can be exhausting but also, I can't break confidentiality anyway. Child protection is without a doubt one of the hardest areas of social work I could choose to be in, but part of me loves it. I love going into a really crap situation and knowing that I'm there for a child, to make their life a tiny bit better if I can. It's hard, yes. But it's rewarding.

But I think the real reason for me not writing any more is because I'm too busy enjoying life. My following is down on here and instagram but I no longer care, not that I really ever did. I am actually really happy and I'm enjoying living in the moment rather than worrying about photographing everything for social media. If anything, being on placement has made me appreciate life so much more than I could ever have imagined. I walk into situations where there is neglect, domestic violence and sexual abuse... and I remember that although it's not happening to me, it could be. It could be happening to anyone and I don't know what is around the corner. None of us do. But it does remind me to ring my Nan to check how she is, to text my Dad to make sure he's not alone and say 'I love you' to those dearest because it's important to let people know how much they mean to you.

I'm doing intense work but I'm so privileged to be a part of a child's life for a short period of time and I'm grateful that it makes me see how lucky I am. I am very happy right now and I'm simply just enjoying it.
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Body confidence

Saturday, 10 February 2018

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Oh hi!

Long time no write. I think this is definitely the longest I've ever not blogged before. Even when I was travelling I was managing to write something once a week but I think this is the first post of the year.

I was going to say I feel guilty but I don't. I have been so busy living my life, that blogging and wanting to capture everything to write on my blog has taken a back seat. I no longer have a burning desire to photograph everything or record everything because it actually takes a lot away from living in the moment. That being said, there is something very fulfilling and cathartic about writing so I will return to this space whenever I feel the need to.

I found a new outlet in November last year - strength training. I feel fitter and more confident than ever before. Last week I managed to dead lift 60kg, which a little under my own body weight, and you know what, I felt amazing. I used to think lifting weights makes you bulky but far from it. I feel so much more toned physically but I'd say the biggest change has been psychologically. I feel so empowered when I'm strength training, I feel stronger and I'm actually not afraid to eat a lot more too (which is huge if you've been reading for a while).

And there's nothing better than lace lingerie to make you feel more confident in yourself, which is why I've teamed up with UK Lingerie who have a huge range of swimwear, lingerie and tights. Just in time for Valentines day as well! Definitely worth checking out if you're in need of something pretty to give you a confidence boost.

As for the blogging, maybe I'll write more often. Maybe I won't. This year is a big year for me career wise so I'm happy working away at life for the time being.
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