Sunday, 1 May 2016

Trust the process

It's been a while since I just sat down and wrote, but April has been very odd for me. It's only been three weeks since I returned from Sri Lanka, but it seems like an eternity already and I miss the beautiful island so much.

I'd be lying if I said that returning has been easy because I feel constantly deflated at the moment. Going from an exhilarating, busy set up day in, day out.. to nothing has been a huge shock to the system. I was exhausted everyday in Sri Lanka but I now feel even more exhausted, from simply doing nothing. I always think it's weird how it's more tiring to do nothing.

I don't really believe in fate, but there has to be something said for the quotation I just found whilst scrolling Facebook.

Trust the wait.
Embrace the uncertainty.
Enjoy the beauty of becoming.
When nothing is certain, everything is possible.

Those words may mean nothing to you but whenever I begin to question my life choices, a very good friend of mine (who also happens to be a therapist) would always tell me to trust to process, which is a pretty similar message to those words.

In the past three weeks of uncertainty, I've managed to secure a place at the University of Birmingham to do an MA in social work, and get a new office job working for a good friend of mine at the NHS. I'm so proud of myself that I'm going to going to buy a designer handbag this week and pretend I am top class, mega rich business woman. 

When I read that sentence back, I have everything I could have asked for, and yet I'm sat here feeling pretty neutral about it all. And I think I'm putting it down the sense of freedom I feel when I'm travelling, whereas right now I feel very stuck in no man's land. This grey area between returning home and working towards creating the life I want. Being stuck or trapped is an all too familiar notion, which doesn't sit well with me, so as much as I dislike wishing away time, I can't wait to begin this new job. I need a purpose to my life because sitting around trying to make myself busy is not who I am or how I roll.

So today is May 1st, and as with anything new, it usually allows for reflection. Therefore, this post can be a reminder to myself to trust the process because the universe usually has a way of working everything out for you.

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