Friday, 15 January 2016

Fear


I am flying to Sri Lanka on Sunday.

Even writing that doesn't make it seem real because truth is, I've not really thought about it. I've gone through the motions; I've collected a pile of things which will be packed tomorrow, I have my tickets and passport ready. I am ready.

But I know why I'm not acknowledging it and it's because I'm actually scared sh*tless.

Excited, yes. Nervous, yes. Terrified, yes.

I know.. it's normal to be anxious because flying half way across the world alone, for 12 weeks is scary. I know I'm not the only person who would be anxious and I'll be fine when I get there. I've done it before and I loved it so this time will be no different, I'm sure. But that doesn't help me right now, because y'know? Fear is a bitch.

I think the biggest difference is, that this time, I'm a different person. All I had to stupidly worry about last time, was the food. This time, that's not even crossed my mind - part of experiencing a new culture is all about the food, it's part of the fun. But because that fear isn't there anymore, 'normal' fears are. The flight, missing home, missing loved ones, what am I going to do when I get back.. it's all there, floating around in my brain.

However, I am writing this to mostly remind myself that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. This next 12 weeks will be an incredible experience and before I know it, I'll be flying back to Birmingham. My best friend said to me yesterday, what you're doing is like then you're on stage performing. You almost do it for the anxiety, the excitement and the buzz. It's part of the experience and you just have to acknowledge and embrace it. She's right.

I have the most amazing opportunity ahead of me, and I won't waste it. Sure, it's scary but life shouldn't be easy. If everything were easy, nothing would be rewarding or worth doing because we'd get no satisfaction from anything. So, I'm going to stop beating myself up feeling terrified or emotional because I'm human and it's allowed.

I'm going to feel the fear, and do it anyway.
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1 comment

Lucy said...

I really loved reading this Sam, your words just completely summed up how I feel.
Have an amazing time in Sri Lanka, I'm sure you'll love every minute!

Lucy x- Yellowicing

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