730 days

Saturday, 23 August 2014

2 years ago today, I was diagnosed with Anorexia. That's 730 days I've spent trying to overcome this bitch of an illness. Gaining weight, losing weight, restricting, eating more, socialising and learning to live again..

It's only now that I can say, 730 days later, that I'm beginning to blossom. These past 5 weeks of my life have been perhaps the most life changing few weeks I have ever had. I have started to learn now to listen to my body. Listen when it's crying out for food and stop when I'm satisfied. Whether it be early morning or late afternoon, and learning that no day is the same. I've learnt that it's OK to be hungrier one day, and less hungry on another. That I don't have finish my plate for fear of others thinking that I'm slipping backwards, and that if I want pudding then that's OK too. And also, that it's OK to be hungry when others are not. There is no point in comparing or becoming jealous. Everybody is different after all.

I have learnt that I don't have to miss out if I don't want something. I've been living without this illness in Thailand, I have felt the freedom for 5 weeks. I've no idea what I weight but ultimately, it doesn't matter to me because I feel free. I'd be lying if I said that I have doubts about returning to the UK but I have the tools now to continue with this life. I have done it here so I know I have the ability to apply the same principles at home.

Life isn't about food. It's about experience, friendship, family and happiness. And so, this blog may change a little from now on. I hope to not talk about anorexia any more, because I don't want to have anything to talk about. I'll just be talking about my life, and you know what? I'm quite proud of myself.
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Weekend in Pai

Sunday, 17 August 2014

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The road to Pai is a long and difficult one, but my goodness, it's worth it.

On Saturday, we all met up as a group and embarked on a 5 hour trip to Pai. It's a beautiful, little town up in the mountains, in Thailand, and is absolutely gorgeous. The view is more than words can ever explain, and the village itself is a cute, hippy area full of shops, bars and cafe's.

After a late lunch and delicious banana and cocoa shake, we ventured up to the grand canyon which was just breathtaking. We explored the canyon, climbing many steep hills and rocks, before heading to a cute strawberry cafe.

The evening was spent drinking more banana shakes and sitting in chilled bars in the town centre . I am fully focused on embracing this last two weeks as much as possible now because like I keep saying, I don't want to regret a single moment of this adventure.

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Week three

Saturday, 9 August 2014

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This week has been a very long week, and the fact it's the weekend makes me smile more than it should. I have never really worked this hard in the week before, something which is so full on at least, and in the exhausting heat as well - everything is quite effort full.

Our host mum went away for a few days this week, leaving us to run her lessons alone which has been tough. I don't like to wish precious time away but I have found myself doing this on occasion.

However, today has already made up for it. We have been to Tiger Kingdom and the highest temple in Chiang Mai - Doi Suphet - which was rather stunning. The amount of stairs we had to walk was a tad ridiculous nut it was definitely worth seeing both the temple and view in all it's glory.

As I am reaching the half way point, I can't help but reflect on my life. I have worried about what I'm doing and eating whilst I've been here, too much or too little? The reality is though that even if I am anxious, I AM doing it. I am beginning to realise that I don't have to be stuck in a rigid routine or eat a certain amount because if I listen to my body then it will treat me well. I just hope I am strong enough to take this way of thinking and living, back to the UK with me in three weeks time.

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Elephant trekking & Mok Fah Waterfall

Saturday, 2 August 2014

Today has been simply incredible. After a few days of feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed, I started the day in the best way - pancakes and fresh pineapple, which may not be traditional thai but they were delicious nonetheless.

Soon after, a group of 5 of us were whisked away to an elephant camp. We learnt about how to command elephants, fed them, trekked in the jungle on them and finally, bathed them. I cannot describe about amazing it was to ride an elephant. Adrenaline literally pumping though your body along with fear! I also picked the naughtiest elephant as half way into the jungle, he decided to climb a tree leaving me practically horizontal, holding on for dear life! A memory I shall never forget.

On our way back, we stopped at Mok Fah Waterfall. It was simply beautiful. All 5 of us ran into the waterfall, and it was just amazing. (I don't have pictures of this yet but will post when I do!).

It really has been an amazing day.

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