Friday, 18 April 2014

Reflection

I've not posted on here for a few days now which is unusual for me but I guess I've been busy - mainly swamped in revision and assignments - but I have been meeting friends and training for the 10k run too! I also had an awful reaction to a vaccination too - headaches, temperature and a head cold - the joys of travel eh? ;)

I've also been massively re-evaluating my own journey. Firstly, I saw a very good friend on Monday and we went for a gourmet burger (and chips), as a belated Birthday meal - something I've not done for YEARS. Part of me is proud but part of me is sitting here thinking 'why are you even acknowledging this any more?'. I had a burger, and what? People do that everyday. I know it's different for me and it wasn't easy, but the sky didn't fall down, the world didn't end and guess what? My clothes still fit and I'm not now huge because of it. It seems stupid to even write about what I had to eat because I'm giving food power, and even though it's writing about food in a positive light, it's still over analysing. 

I think this has been reinforced more than usual, because I've been speaking to some very lovely people who are more ill than I am now. Watching them talk about numbers, struggle over meals, worrying about holidays, being out of control - it all seems so ridiculous and it just makes me want nothing to do with any of those behaviours. I don't want that life! It's so exhausting, not to mention time consuming. I ain't got time to be googling calories in Easter eggs - I have a lab report to write, thanks!

I am usually very skeptical about spending too much time with other sufferers because we compare, we judge and we lie - it's the nature of the illness. But this time around, it's making me realise more than ever before, that I have to just let go fully now. 
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1 comment

Amy-Louise said...

Very very true <3

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