Wednesday, 18 September 2013

A Meal for Two

Last night, I spent the evening with a friend of mine, Sarah, who is also in recovery from Anorexia (and keeps a great blog!). As I'm off to Uni for the 2nd year on Sunday, we both set the challenge of a two course meal at a local restaurant in town. On top of this, this particular menu provides no nutritional information - not on the menu and not on the website. No where! For me, this is a huge challenge but one I know I have to overcome if I want to recover fully, and that is something I know I am going to do.
I think sometimes, if I am totally honest, being friends with someone who also has an eating disorder can be dangerous. Anorexia is a competitive, ugly game and even though you do your best to help and support, it's always possible that you are being sucked in. Comparing what's being eaten, who is more anxious, wanting not to look greedy - it's almost playing with fire and wanting to get burnt. I am honest enough to say, that if I think someone is hindering my recovery, then I don't speak to them. It's not a selfish thing. It's something I MUST do because I'm not strong enough to keep from playing the game. Even in 'real life', I constantly struggle with listening to what diet someone is trying this week, which exercise class is on the next. But, I have to get it into my head that I am not them. What I do/eat will not affect them and what they do/eat will not affect me. If I lie about something or decline an offer to go out, then it's ONLY me who is failing. It's only me who is missing out.
However, last night I didn't feel any of those things. If anything, calories were far from my mind. We both enjoyed a two course meal like two people should. The food was great and yes it was an achievement, but the company and conversation were the highlights of the evening. Something in which takes a back seat when recovering.
I didn't compare either. In fact, I was only inspired and felt supported. One positive from being friends with someone else who is in recovery, is that they know how you feel.  Last night has motivated me even more and shown me that actually, I CAN do this.
Quite frankly, I'm tired of rolling the dice and getting the same outcome. This academic year, it's time to roll a double six and get my life back.


Sarah Robertson said...

So proud of you (and me) and you're right - food was pushed out of the spotlight and conversation and life and friendship was what mattered.


hannah said...

This was lovely to read, I'm glad to hear that you're both doing so well :) you should definitely be proud xx

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