Wednesday, 7 August 2013


Part of my writes this thinking it's completely stupid and not a risk at all. People eat what they want everyday, how can this be risky. But then I guess I have to remind myself that to me it's bloody terrifying so I shall continue.
Yesterday lunchtime, I had the house to myself meaning SPACE. Space to eat something 'risky' in my own time, making it in peace, nobody around to judge etc. I ate a cheese sandwich (I'm still writing this feeling daft). This is huge for me - like an arachnophobic picking up a spider as big as a brick! Cheese in general is difficult for me, but when I have to actually cut it myself meaning I don't really know how much I'm eating, causes so much anxiety. Following this triumph, I actually felt like I could conquer the world ;-) 
My Mum and I had tickets to the Lion King Musicalh last night, so I suggested we ate out before going. This is like an arachnophobic picking up two spiders the size of bricks ;-) We had both wanted to try YoSushi for a while so we went there. And you know what, it was absolutely lovely! We ordered two dishes each and shared one, trying each others as we went. I let go of this fear and enjoyed the food. Sounds so simple, and when you allow it, it really is. 
As for the musical, it was amazing. I have seen many shows, both west end and amateur but nothing like this. The costumes were stunning and the music was entirely different to what you'd usually expect. It was nice to experience a bit of African culture and watch something that I love. Singing and theatre is my biggest passion, which has sadly taken a back seat over the past year. 
We returned just after midnight to mugs of hot chocolate and biscuits.Yet another simple thing that becomes so difficult when consumed by this illness. However,  I just 'let it be'. Sharing this moment with my Mum is so rare that I had to do it. I had an amazing day because I was myself. Someone I shouldn't be afraid of.
The lesson I am beginning to learn is: Risk taking has more pros than cons. It's living. It's getting your life back.


Tanya Beetham said...

I am so pleased that you had a good day. I totally get each word you've written here.. Risk taking and letting things be and enjoying those moments with your mum and being in the moment. I liked this post :)

Unknown said...

So happy to read that you've benefited from doing something that scares you! One of the best feelings in recovery is that 'oh my god I did it!' sense of release after conquering a mini-battle. Well done, hope you're going strong:)

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