Friday, 23 August 2013

A year on

Today marks the day that I was officially diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, something that I still cringe to even type. Although, I actually 'suffered' the most of it before that day, it's still a huge bench mark for me.
This year has changed so much and I am proud that I didn't let this illness stop me from living my life. I haven't had the 'uni' experience that most people have. I haven't been out drinking every night, rolling into lectures with a hangover, mars bar and red bull in hand. I haven't joined in when everyone ordered takeaways or went out for pub lunches but I know those things will come in time. It has been a time of great change, numbers, pain, anxiety, laughter, tears - and it's ALL been worth it. I know now, that being healthy is so much more valuable than being 'skinny' or the lowest number you can possibly be.
This past year, I have gained a stone (probably more, I know longer know!). I've ditched the scales. I've made new friends who treat me like a person not an illness, including me in everything and not drawing attention to food. I've met people online, thanks to blogging and twitter who really have helped me along the way, and I hope it continues! I can honestly say that I have challenged myself. 
But, I also acknowledge that there are things that still need ironing out and I will continue battling this until I am where I want to be. This illness has taken years of my teens away from me and I refuse to take this into my twenties. Yes, I still have bad days in which I feel I can't do this or dwell on how much weight I have gained (which is frightening), but a close friend reminded me that 'the best anorexic is dead' which is completely true. If I were to give up and let this take a hold of me again, then there really is only one outcome, and I actually value myself enough now to say that I DO NOT want that.
So, a year from now, I want to be writing another post about how this is no longer an aspect of my life. I may not actually like my body or the number that would stare back at me but I think I should sit here feeling proud of what I've done.



Last night for my Brother's celebratory meal out



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3 comments

D A I S Y said...

This is such a positive post! You should definitely be proud of how far you've come in just a year :) It's also good that you acknowledge that there is still room for improvement...because it's being realistic about where you are in your recovery.

Keep up the hard work lovely, you're doing so well!
Daisy xxx

everythingandthegirlxo.blogspot.co.uk

Josie said...

You should definitely be so proud of yourself! I don't think we've been chatting for a huge amount of time but I've noticed how far you've come...managing to get through a year of uni is tough for everyone no matter how much fun they look like they're having so you've done especially well. Imagine where you'll be in a years time...it's exciting! xxxx

hannah said...

Well done to you, you should be so proud, you've done so well to get this far. In another year's time just imagine how much further along you'll be and further away from the illness. I'm glad your uni friends are so supportive. Good luck for the next year of being healthy :) xxx

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