Monday, 18 February 2013

Numbers

I honestly do not know why I continue to weigh myself. I have actually maintained within 3-4lb since January 1st. I never like the number I see. It's always a little over or a little under the weight I am aiming to stay at, meaning I am letting a measly little number dictate my mood for the rest of the week. Usually annoyed/depressed if it's over, and somewhat happier if it's under.
But maybe, just maybe, I'm getting tired of living like this now. My clothes still fit me and hey, I enjoyed a fudge KitKat chunky last week. And you know what, Kate Moss, THAT TASTES BETTER THAN SKINNY FEELS.
Sad as it may seem, I do follow a weight chart (more numbers, I know) but this one runs out April 8th, 3 days before my birthday. Coincidence? I think that is long enough to know whether I can maintain this weight, right? I may get scared and chicken out but I am going to take this opportunity and make a pledge to myself that this is when I ditch the scales.
If I think about, surely it only has benefits. No more pleasing a voice in my head because what I don't know can't and won't hurt me. When I asked what the ultimate aim of an recovering anorexic was during one appointment, the answer I was given was to ditch the scales and just pop into boots every now and then to be weighed for curiosity, and then continue living. And maybe she's right. While I'm pleasing a set of numbers, I'm not 'living', I'm simply 'being'. 

On a different note, I am loving that the sunshine has made an appearance. It is a definite reminder of why I chose to come to this Uni. The campus is truly beautiful

















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1 comment

Tanya Beetham said...

i couldn't agree more about ditching the scales.. I haven't weighed myself in three months and honestly, it frees a part of your mind up x

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