Friday, 8 February 2013

Healthy or disordered?

For the first time, in a very long time, I'm actually beginning to like my size. My wardrobe is beginning to fit properly again, and I'm becoming more daring with my fashion choices. I don't like covering up, and I feel like I don't have to any more. I am considered a healthy weight, so technically, I could maintain this?
That's the thing though. I'm still manipulating this weight. Right now, I'm very much in recovery but I would still say I have an eating disorder. But the thing that plays on my mind a lot, is whether I should be eating cake, biscuits and chocolate? I know it's normal but what if I genuinely prefer fruit or yoghurt?
I read other people's experiences, and if they choose fat free over full fat, then they are still classified as having an eating disorder? When does that stop being an eating disordered behaviour and when does it become healthy? Surely I need to be healthy now after years of doing extreme damage and putting it through huge amounts of pressure.
I also recently joined Yoga. I haven't engaged in any exercise, apart from walking, in a long time, and that's because I genuinely didn't want to lose weight, which I think is a good thing. However,I am becoming a workaholic - maybe it's my personality and wanting to constantly achieve more - but either way, all I am doing is attending Uni, completing assignments and working a part time job. So, I needed something else and I can honestly say, it's not for weight loss purposes. It's to relax, tone and strengthen ;) Would that be considered disordered by a professional with my medical records?
I think there has to come a time when I have to stop caring about what 'rules' define eating disordered thinking; what a certain diagnosis says I am or am not. Because, if I'm a healthy weight and genuinely enjoy eating turkish delight muller light with blueberries and strawberries (which by the way, is beautiful!) over a eating a chocolate bar, then there shouldn't be a problem :-)
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2 comments

D A I S Y said...

This is such an interesting post. Sorry to hear about your eating disorder, but it sounds like you are well on your way to full recovery :)
I suppose it comes down to preference...if you prefer yoghurts and fruit, you prefer yoghurts and fruit! It's about feeling in control of the situation, knowing that you could choose the chocolate if you wanted? Or that you are choosing the healthier option because you genuinely enjoy it and not because of the calorie count?
I don't have much experience of eating disorders so sorry if that's the wrong opinion or whatever :(
But yes, really good read !
Daisy xxx
everythingandthegirlxo.blogspot.co.uk/

Samantha Betteridge said...

Oh thank you! I think your opinion is quite thought provoking - knowing the choice is available is actually the key and I guess I'd not thought of that!
xxx

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