Monday, 24 December 2012

Blogmas day 24: Christmas Eve

I could focus on the negatives that the last 24 hours has brought to me. The fear and anxiety that was flooded back surrounding food. The constant feeling of suffocation, and not being able to breathe.
But, I'm not going to. Because despite that, I know I have the most amazing support. At 1am, I had someone to turn to. Then, this morning I saw an amazing friend of mine for a festive costa. Finally, I saw my best friend this afternoon, watched Toy Story 3 and eating Terry's chocolate orange. Without these people, I'd be a mess and I love them more than they'll ever know. I have all the support I need, and I know that they'd be there for me whenever I needed them.
This is what Christmas is about. Not food or presents. It's about family, friendship and warmth. It's about creating memories that you will treasure forever with your loved ones. It's not about getting upset when there's nothing you can eat in the house (and yes, I'll do that but not tomorrow). I have spent my day catching up with the people I love most - and it's been the best Christmas Eve for a looong time.

I shall be at home tomorrow, with my family. I am very anxious about it, but refuse to have another eating disordered Christmas. I shall be off to see my Dad on boxing day after work, and again, I will enjoy it. I hope you all have an amazing Christmas tomorrow. It's your day, so spend it as you wish! Enjoy yourself, be kind to yourself, and lastly, treat yourself. After all, it only happens once a year! 


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