Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Forever disordered?

Monday is officially the worst day of the week for me (and most people haha!). Mine isn't so much the whole getting up after the weekend, because I don't start until 1pm ;) For me, it's the day I have to weigh myself.
As I'm not receiving any treatment, it's my responsibility to 'monitor' my own weight - which means most of the time, I let some silly numbers ruin my entire day. I'm sort of stuck in the middle. I don't like losing weight because I know that's reeaaaally bad right now, but I also don't like gaining weight - who does? So, before I've even begun, I'm fighting a battle I'll never win!

I am gaining weight, which I know is great, but sometimes I've put more on than I've expected or been prepared for. My actual body hasn't changed so why I let it upset me, I will never know and by Tuesday I'm usually fine again, which makes me think that gaining the weight isn't the problem. Which leads me on to wondering what will happen when I reach this healthy goal weight?
Right now, 

  • I count everything that I eat. 
  • I won't eat certain foods despite loving them.
  • Struggle to eat out without seeing the menu first.
The list could go on and on, but you get the idea. When I reach a healthy weight, surely I will still do those things. I will still have a disordered mind, just with a healthier body? I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it but feel extremely sorry for myself on Monday when I thought that maybe I'll be living with this forever and it's just something I'll have to manage, and not actually cure. 
Anyway, I've not reached that point yet, so there is no point in worrying about something that's not happened!  
Ending on a happier note, I phoned my manager at my old store today and I can have my job back over Christmas :-) My supervisor was so excited, bless him! I must admit, I'm looking forward to working with my friends again!
I've also had my fringe cut. I went to the hairdressers last week for my 'side fringe' to be trimmed. She messed it up BIG TIME, so I asked my flat mate to cut it into a full fringe (even though she's never cut hair before). I am soooo impressed!

Hope you are all well!
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2 comments

melrose said...

You alright? Monday doesn't damper the rest of this week for you I hope. Your fringe looks well nice, lovely and very impressive of your flatmate!
Maybe forever disordered but it is manageable and possible to come to a point where you are in proper control over it -and not it over you. Keep at it, you will get there! xx

Samantha Betteridge said...

Yeah, I'm fine now thank you :) It's just mondays! Tuesday is a new day, and I tend to forget about it :P
And thank you! Hope you are well too xxxx

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