Thursday, 19 April 2012

I am only human

For the last few days, all I've wanted is someone to wrap their arms around me, and tell me everything will be fine. I don't necessarily have anything to feel upset about, I've just been down.
But, for some crazy/ insane/ stupid reason, every time I'm like this I just push those away that care about me. I reply bluntly, I make no effort and basically cut them off. I tell myself no one cares and that I am perfectly able to look after myself. Why the hell do I do this?! I am really just craving some love and care!
I also take everything the wrong way. A lovely lady from my theatre group came up to me yesterday and told me I'd lost a lot of weight - that was the end of the sentence. I automatically assumed, because I'm getting thinner and thinner, she meant it as a concerned but negative comment. She didn't. She went on to say how well I'd done with losing half of my body weight - if only she knew! I would do anything to eat a high calorific snack or pudding and not want to punish myself afterwards. 
And on the same note, why is it that people who know how much I'm struggling, feel the need to try and make it a light hearted joke? I may put on a brave face, and hide my emotions behind the biggest brick wall you could ever imagine, but telling me to eat chocolate, cake and crisps is really only adding to how bad I feel. At the end of the day, I do have emotions just like everyone else. 
I am only human.
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